The Most Frustrating Week of My Life
by Hikari M666
Summary: Sasuke and Naruto are taking sexual frustration to a whole new level. Because whenever they're together, it seems that something, anything, beyond their control will go wrong to stop them getting what they want. SasuNaru.


The Most Frustrating Week of My Life

Hey, been quite some time since I've posted! Eh, it happens. Compared to last year when I did nothing and had no schoolwork and could write every day, I've got a bloody hectic life this year! So I apologise for incredibly, ridiculously long gaps between updates, but there it is. It happens to everyone. XD

This is my first (posted) multichapter Naruto fic. I had a tough time tossing up between making it a long oneshot and a multichapter, but I've got plenty of oneshots posted to keep me happy. Plus I keep getting reviews for them saying, "Please write a second chapter or sequel!" so at least I've now got something where I can guarantee there WILL be a second chapter. And third, and fourth, and so on. I'm thinking seven or eight chapters for this one. Enjoy!

Written because the pain of sexual frustration is excruciating, and I feel like laughing at Sasuke and Naruto's pain.

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**Friday**

Naruto was sprawled across the couch, his mouth slightly open and his eyes out of focus, paying attention to nothing in particular. His brain felt numb and his body too lethargic to move. The only sound he could hear was the shuffling of a deck of cards, courtesy of Sasuke, who was sitting on the floor in front of him.

"You can't seriously find that entertaining," Naruto said flatly.

He didn't get any answer. Sasuke was focused on shuffling his cards. He wasn't playing any sort of game with them – because "Uchihas don't play games, idiot." – just shuffling, as though working on his technique for it. As though he wanted to teach himself to look impressive even when just shuffling.

"You've got to be the most boring person in existence, you realise," Naruto continued. "Normally when people get a day off they actually _do_ stuff. They don't sit around playing Solitaire like some loser."

Sasuke turned around just enough to give Naruto the evil eye. "I don't – "

"Right, right, you're not even doing _that_. You're sitting around getting _ready_ to play Solitaire but then you don't do it. Who the hell spends their time shuffling cards?"

"If you don't like it, you can leave," Sasuke growled.

"I would, but you've made me too bored to move now. Guess you're just going to be stuck with me complaining all day." Naruto flashed a triumphant grin, but it faded quickly as Sasuke stood up and left the room. "Hey! You can't do that, you bloody cheater!"

Indignantly, he almost – _almost_ – got up off the couch, but his muscles screamed their protest. Instead he just lay there in irritation and waited for Sasuke to respond.

Sasuke's voice came, sounding far away; he hadn't wasted any time putting a lot of distance between himself and Naruto. "If you're not going to leave, then I have to do the honours. You're too noisy."

"Take a trip down to the Sand Village if you hate noise so much! I'm sure Gaara will welcome you with a lovely, excruciating silence!"

"You're right. I don't go down nearly enough."

"Damn right you don't," Naruto muttered, more to himself than anything. But his innuendo was just a little too loud to go unnoticed.

Almost alarmingly quickly, Sasuke appeared back in the doorway, glare fixed upon his face. "_What_ was that?"

Naruto hesitated, courtesy of a well-timed mental blank. _Why_, exactly, had he thought it was a good idea to complain, again? It was hard to think of a good reason when he was being given such a scorching glare. "What? I didn't say anything," he said, putting on his best blank face.

Evidently it wasn't enough to save him. Sasuke stepped towards him threateningly. "Did you just imply – " _Step. _" – that I'm not selfless – " _Step._ " – enough to do something – " _Step._ " – that satisfies you?"

He was far too close for Naruto to feel safe.

"N – no," Naruto gulped.

He was inches from Naruto's nose. "Are you sure? Because you know, if you're not happy with the way things are at the moment, we could always go the next step further."

"Sasuke…" Naruto gave him a look that was both weary and still tentative. "Forget it. Forget I said anything. Everything's fine. Go – go back to your shuffling."

"No."

Naruto blinked. "No?"

"They say shuffling cards is a sign of sexual frustration," Sasuke said uncaringly. "But I wouldn't have expected you to know that."

"Frustration?" Naruto repeated, certain he was being insulted in more ways than one. "Then why were you doing it? You're not…"

Sasuke looked squarely at him.

"You _are?_"

"You're really not all that bright, Naruto. If the hundred subtle signals didn't make it clear, all the times that I actually _told_ you what I wanted should have."

Naruto's mouth dropped open slightly. "You told me that? When?"

"Let's see." Sasuke held up a hand and counted off on his fingers. "It is now January. We have been in this position all through December, November, October, September, August – all the way back to July. I've brought this up almost weekly. Almost weekly, for _six months_, Naruto. It's been six months and you still insist on nothing. Anybody with a quarter of a brain would have realised by now."

"You're a dick."

"No, just thinking with it," Sasuke said.

"Insulting me and saying I'm withholding sex isn't the biggest turn-on," Naruto growled. "Asshole."

Even after Sasuke had turned his back to him, Naruto knew that he was smirking. That smug expression came far too naturally to Sasuke, every time he had even the faintest semblance of a wicked plan. Well, no matter how smart he was, he wasn't going to trick Naruto. No matter what his plan was.

He watched warily as Sasuke threw his deck of cards on the floor. They spilled in every direction, but Sasuke, who was usually so particular, ignored them. He faced Naruto again, coming closer to him, and Naruto's mind was racing as he wondered how Sasuke would try to trick him.

"Is this more of a turn-on, then?" Sasuke asked breathily, before closing the slight gap between them and kissing Naruto, hands firmly grasping his shoulders, pulling him in closer. Naruto forgot to be cautious and kissed back fiercely out of habit. There was nothing suspicious in this.

"Just slightly more." He grinned. He tilted his head in preparation for another kiss, except it never happened; Sasuke pulled himself away with no difficulty at all. "Hey – huh?"

Sasuke started picking up the cards. "That's enough."

"What d'you mean, enough? You only kissed me!" Naruto complained, affronted. He sat up properly and glared, knowing full well that it wouldn't affect Sasuke in the least.

"Irritating, isn't it? When you want to go further but the other person refuses because they're playing a ridiculous game of hard-to-get."

Naruto gaped at him. "Fuck, you're a bastard."

"I know. I'm sorry."

He was certain he had misheard. Unless he had, Sasuke had just said he was sorry, and that word wasn't even part of his vocabulary. Naruto was plagued with uncertainty and curiosity.

"What was that? I couldn't quite hear," he said.

"I'm sorry," Sasuke repeated in a low voice.

Naruto blinked. So he _hadn't_ misheard. "Well, that's – it's – all right, I guess."

"I really should have known better. I always was faster and more advanced in things than you. I shouldn't have expected any more from you with this."

A second passed. And another. And several more.

Finally, Naruto exploded.

"_You fucking son of a bitch!_"

He positively leapt off the couch and sprang on top of Sasuke, barrelling him over. He grabbed Sasuke by the collar and – though it may have looked like he was about to strangle him – kissed him hard on the mouth.

"Like fucking hell," he growled between kisses, "you are more advanced than me."

Thoughts weren't coherent in his head; it felt like his body was moving of its own accord, shoving Sasuke down, attacking his mouth. He could barely feel his hands, yet he was aware of them jerking at Sasuke's shirt, almost ripping it at the seams. He reached inside it and slid his hands along Sasuke's warm abdomen, and around to reach his back.

"Naruto . . ." Sasuke started.

"You want sex? Then fine, so do I!" Naruto heard himself say. He hadn't actually noticed his mouth forming those words.

No more than he had noticed Sasuke's smirk of approval.

They kissed again, an unbreaking series of kisses that detracted from whatever else their bodies were doing – a fact of which Sasuke had no problem taking advantage. Naruto was still above him, violently attacking his shirt, when the next thing the blonde knew, he was lying on his back. Naruto didn't mind the reversal at all, didn't mind Sasuke taking control, because the feeling of Sasuke on top of him was, without any other way to describe it, _hot_. Sasuke's body sent waves of heat down his, drawing him in closer like a magnet.

Sasuke's breath was warm on Naruto's face. "Naruto," he breathed. "You broke my shirt."

Naruto looked down and saw that, indeed, far too much of Sasuke's chest was exposed for a normal shirt. The elastic around his collarbone must have been torn, loosening the neck of the shirt and making it far more loose and ragged than anything else in Sasuke's wardrobe.

"You're going to pay for that."

As Naruto's own shirt was pulled off neatly, without any rips or tears, he wondered if Sasuke had actually meant that literally.

After several more kisses, Sasuke pulled away with a lot more reluctance than he had shown before. He gradually snaked his body down Naruto's, stopping only briefly at his neck, before coming to rest crouched at his lower torso. Naruto began to fumble with the single button on his pants, but Sasuke pushed his hands away.

_All right, he must want to do it himself, _Naruto figured. But his reasoning was jolted as Sasuke lowered his face towards that area.

"Sasuke? I thought you wanted – but either way, I think the pants need to come off first."

Sasuke didn't answer. Instead he went down as close to Naruto's pants as possible, then latched his teeth onto the button.

Naruto's eyes widened slightly. "I'm not so sure – "

Even from that angle, Sasuke still managed to send him a 'shut up' glare. He wasn't trying to undo the button with his teeth; he was trying to rip it off completely. Break Naruto's pants in return for his shirt. Naruto gave in to the glare and stopped protesting, and instead closed his eyes and waited.

He felt Sasuke pulling hard for the first few moments; ridiculously hard. He wondered whether Sasuke's teeth would break before the button. But finally he felt the pressure give, and Sasuke stopped pulling.

"All right, you win, bastard," Naruto said, his eyes still closed. "But come on, if I have to wait another minute for this, I think I'll explode."

A strange, strangled noise came from Sasuke's throat. Naruto assumed he was just breathing differently after having worked his mouth on the button.

"Sasuke! Damn it, hurry up! Don't tell me you're having second thoughts."

There was a coughing and spluttering sound.

"Sasuke?"

Naruto opened his eyes, just in time to see Sasuke slump forward, eyes unfocused.

"_Sasuke?_"

He bolted upright and lightly slapped Sasuke's cheek, but Sasuke wasn't moving. Nor, it appeared, breathing. 'Sasuke! What the hell? _Sasuke!"_

Within half an hour of Naruto completely panicking and calling the hospital, emergency services had arrived. They didn't rush Sasuke away, but they did a rushed examination of him, including a check of his mouth and throat to find obvious signs of obstructed breathing. In a matter of minutes, they had Sasuke breathing again.

When Naruto demanded to know what had caused Sasuke to spontaneously fall unconscious like that, one of the doctors looked half-bewildered, half-amused, as she held out in her hand to Naruto, saying, "This was stuck right at the top of his throat."

She held a small, metal button.

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End file.
